User talk:BLUEPHEONIX (the real one ok?)
hey guys feel free to talk but before i put me e-mail on i need to clear some stuff from my e-mail list so i can talk 2 u better ~blue Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the User talk:BLUEPHEONIX (the real one ok?) page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! WhyAmIReadingThis (talk) 22:18, February 4, 2016 (UTC) Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. Read the Deletion FAQ for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make. Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards. For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback. --"You know why he's here? Why he's investigating the broken rules? He's not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on it" (talk) 20:04, February 5, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:32, June 23, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:32, June 23, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story I didn't delete your story because you created a new category, I deleted it because your story had a massive amount of: Punctuation: "she said, her bruised(,) sleepy eyes", Commas missing where they are needed in dialogue. "i'll be back.(should be a comma)" he said", "drove them out.(,)" he said", ""Okay.(,)" she said." etc. Apostrophes missing from contractions and possessive words. "Thats (That's) not a story!"", "its (t's) time for bed." You also forget to use quotations on dialogue. "The man smiled again and added, (")yes (Yes) sweetie, really."" Spelling: "looking at him pittifully, (pitifully)", "he was not her accual (actual) father,", "19 year old man, just fresh from collage, (college)", etc. I would strongly suggest proof-reading your stories as this is riddled with types and misspellings. Capitalization: Improperly capitalized words. "story." although (Although) he was", ""Daddy," the little girl said, "What (what) are you doing with your suitcase?"", "i'll (I'll) be back." he said", "Daddy lived in florida, (Florida)"), ""And when daddy (Daddy) was Six (six) years old, he and his Mommy, and Daddy". Story issues: However, it was the story issues itself that tipped the scale. First and foremost, you need to space dialogue so two speakers are never talking in the same paragraph (""Daddy," the little girl said, "What are you doing with your suitcase?"she asked timidly, "Oh, you see Daddy will be gone for a couple days, but in the meantime, your auntie will be here instead."") This is commonly done in literature to prevent misattribution and to make stories flow more effectively. Additionally, this was how your story was formatted: "The little girl perked up at this, and said, "Really daddy?" The man smiled again and added, yes sweetie, really." He put her to bed, and walked back to where he was packing, "If only she knew.... if only."" Story issues cont.: The story is incredibly rushed. You also tend to gloss over pretty important facts in the story. ""Daddy," she said, her bruised sleepy eyes" How exactly did she get a black eye? Why is this not referenced? Why is the loss of her actual parents not mentioned at all? Why is he only now just deciding to blow up the anchorage? It seems odd that he would decide to do this now that he has this young girl that he has to take care of. I'm sorry, but there are a lot of issues with this story and frankly this feels like it was written in a single sitting and you spent no time proof-reading it. I would strongly suggest putting your next story into the writer's workshop as you overlooked a lot here. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:00, June 23, 2016 (UTC)